Titles like How to Survive When You're Married to an External Processor or like How Do I Deal When I'm in a Relationship With an Internal Processor? Stuff like that. We're going to be discussing how to tell what your processing and thinking style may be, the unique strengths and challenges that you may experience when communicating, some misconceptions about processing styles and how to cope if you're in a relationship with someone who processes very differently from you.ĭedeker: There's a surprising number of blogs out there about this, and blogs that seem to me very much written from a place of desperation. Jase: On this episode of the Multiamory podcast, we're talking about chewers and spewers, which are some terms that we came up with, but otherwise, this is known as being an external processor or an internal processor. Listen to the full episode to learn some myths about chewers and spewers, as well as how each one may cope differently than the other. May be easily exhausted by external processing situations May be seen as shutting down or shutting out Thoughts, ideas, and next course of action are often pretty solidified by the time they’re verbally expressed They deliberate over words very carefully, which usually means their communication is clear Some of the strengths that chewers have are: Need time alone with their thoughts and ideasĭislike being asked to comment about something on the spot Prefer clear agendas and time to prep beforehand Generally have a hard time keeping feelings and thoughts inside, even if it’s not the proper time to talk about themĬhewers are internal processors, and often: If a spewer is in a leadership position, spewing can lead to words being interpreted as directivesĪ spewer may feel hurt, lonely, or abandoned if/when someone doesn’t have the time, space, or energy to talk things out or listen Often being seen as too chatty or too indecisive May be good at generating new ideas, new thoughts, or new angles for assessing a problemĪnd because every upside has to have its downside, some challenges that spewers may face are: Talking oneself through a problem and/or solution, or talk out stressful timesĮach type of processing has its strongpoints, and spewers often have the advantages of:īringing a sense of flexibility to conversations and the ability to change the course of thoughts and feelings as they are processed Spewers tend to exhibit these behaviors and traits, or ones similar to these: These processing styles vary from person to person, and sometimes within relationships they can be a point of conflict if two people process differently. Some of us tend to process ideas and feelings externally (a spewer), and others more internally (a chewer).
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